A Lesson in Love

If you know me, you would know that I'm a sucker for romance. That's the problem, which could be a term up for debate, that I think many women (or men) have - that is, thinking with your heart rather than your brain. My mom always told me that women are smart and can probably take over the world, if they didn't base some of their decisions on their heart. I believed this, until I allowed myself to fall in love for the first time.

It was joyous, yet frightening. It was beautiful, yet dangerous. It was vulnerable and indeterminate, and I think that's what scared me the most, when you are unsure of where things will lead to. Well I did it. I fell in love. I allowed my feelings to get the best of me and listened to that organ beating inside of me, when the one that sits on top of all other organs is calling myself consistently crazy. As easily as it was the first time to fall in love, it was to fall out of it, over and over again. And it was painful every single time, as with most break-ups I assume.

So why fall in love again? Just for those momentary, non-concrete feelings? What good is it if you don't know why you're investing yourself if you don't know if your partner is the one? Shouldn't you save yourself, whether it be from emotion or being, for the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with?

After my first experience with romantic love, I thought, there's just no point. I'd just end up getting hurt again, as would whoever I would chose to have relations with. I can just play, do the whole temporary thing, and no one would get hurt. Since then, I haven't really allowed myself to fall in love again. Maybe I truly don't feel it, or maybe I'm just terrified of the idea. Terrified of love and terrified of a serious relationship.

I had nice little chat with a friend today, where I explained where I was coming from. She replied,

"I just think that you should think about it. dont be scared to really like him...serious is ok...even if you dont love him, you really really like being with him, and thats just as important

ok, bye now :)"

The truth is, I really am enjoying right now. I am having so much and I "really really like being with him". I'm just scared of hurting the both of us in the end, yet another wise one told me that if I have my foot in each door, current and exit, I'll more likely to end up in the exit door because I'll always be thinking about it. Good point. So, I'll just see where this goes. If I fall in love, so be it. If I get hurt, so be it. At least I'll be able to say it was worth it.