For the first time in my life, I actually feel alone.

Everything around me feels so lofty and superficial, as if it can fade and disappear in an instant.

When someone extremely close to you feels devastated within their own problems, and you find that there is nothing you can do to help, what do you do? Sometimes the answer is to just be there. They say that you should just be an ear to listen to their worries, but to not let it affect you. Is this actually possible? Is it possible to be so cold, as to not let someone's torn emotions not take some toll or part in any of yours? On the contrary, it is unpractical (and possibly unreasonable) to let your emotions control your life.

There are things that need to be done. No one will do them if you just sit there and cry. Cry for what? Someone else? How does that help them? How does it help you?

It doesn't.

Just listen. Be there. Take a deep breath, and swallow it. Do what you need to do, and focus. Wallowing in the moment will not do any good to anybody.

Sometimes, you have to be that pillar of support. You just have to choose what material you are made out of. Will it be sand, or will it be granite?

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A piece of advice I heard recently from a successful professional is a technique in managing a busy lifestyle is to compartmentalize one's life. There is a time for academics. There is a time for family. There is a time friends. There is a time for yourself, your health, and your disabilities.

With that said, there's a time to be silly, and laugh. And there's a time to cry. Allot some time for all of the above, but don't intermingle them, and you'll find yourself healthier and more productive.

I think I'll try this.

In the end, you've only got you. Take care of what you've got.

Beating around the Bush

Why is it that when we have a very important goal or task, we sometimes we do everything BUT the very thing we are supposed to do?

GAH!

Is it because it's so daunting? Intimidating?

Or are we just super procrastinators... and lazy?

Maybe all of the above.

What happened to blogging consistently?

Finally, a blog. So many thoughts throughout the course of this year have gone unblogged. *sigh*

A pressing one that has eaten at me for a couple weeks is meeting this random girl at Starbucks. We shared a table and studied our materials independently. The only thing we shared were "Bless Yous" and the consequent "Thank Yous". At first, I thought she was annoying for talking on the phone while sharing a table with me while I was trying to study. But it was not that long and it was fine environment after. So why did I slightly judge her - on her conversations and her mannerisms at the table? The remorse for these feelings did not really come until I started packing up my things and leaving, when I heard a little voice at the corner of the table saying, "Have a good day!" attached to a smile of course.

Wow. How judgments of a person can phase so quickly by just small gesture such as that. I walked away too quickly to realize it was her saying it, but at 10am when you're miserable from studying organic chemistry, that was the best thing anyone could have left me with (unless it's an admission into med school. haha).

Lessons learned:

1. Do not be so quick to judge.
2. Small kind gestures go a long way. Do them more :) You never know (and may never know) how big of a difference they can make.

So little lady who annoyed me at first while talking at Starbucks, thank you. And in your own words, "You rule." :)

New Years Resolutions

The end of the year approaches, which means time for glitz, glam, and some re-glitzing.

(in no particular order, since the list is to be continually edited)

1. Do things that make you happy.
2. Keep in touch with those that are worth keeping in touch with.
3. Do not waste time on things that do not matter. Going along with that, do things that actually matter. For example, surfing facebook for hours does NOT matter.
4. Be healthy.
5. Blog more. It's therapeutic and a venting source.
6. Be pretty.
7. Find something you like, and explore.
8. Stop stressing. It makes others stress with you, which is just distressing in it of itself.
9. Read. Be informed. Be intelligent.
10. Try to be a little big more green. Love the earth, or else it may not love you.
11. Dance. Sing. Be merry.
12. Flirt a little and make someone's day. Tell a stranger you really like their outfit, or that they have a really pretty smile. Genuinely mean it.

More to come!

Running to the Food Network

You're working out and rocking out to your hip hop music. You're breaking more than just a sweat and you are so motivated to lose that extra pound that you so indulgently gained from that cheese cake you ate last weekend. You look around looking for more motivation. There's that hot guy/girl in your discussion that you have never had the nerve to say hello. There's your ex that dumped you, and you have to show him/her how hot you've gotten. There's the person next to you that's sweating more than you are! How dare they!

Then... you look up. The beam of sun shines down and your eyes lay on: THE FOOD NETWORK. The Chef is cooking some delicious home made goodies - a whole meal cooked right before your eyes (well, and a small screen). You are salivating and cannot wait till post workout food.

Now is this really efficient? In the point of view of the gym, sure it is! You'll work out to the food network, and eat a lot after your work out, and come back wondering why you never lost those extra pounds!!

How conniving you are, gymnasium! You must have a secret contract with the food network that we do not know about!! Well, off to the kitchen for me!

Pick up the Grains of Rice? or Carry the Rice Bag?

Imagine...

You are from a very poor family who lives in the countryside, away from city life and any local markets. All throughout the past five months, you have meticulously cultivated rice in the fields every day. You go to the next town in order to trade this huge bag of rice that you have so worked so hard to maintain. Bags of rice are traded by the pound in the next town because there are no rice farmers, and you plan on trading the rice in for several new chickens, which will help support the family well.

On the way to the town, you trip over a rock and spill one fifth of your rice. You know that the prime time to sell your rice is right before the market closes, and you only have a couple minutes left to get there. Do you stop to pick up your rice, knowing that every bit of rice helps, and run into town? There is a possibility that you may drop more rice on the way while running as fast as you can to get there before the market closes. Or do you walk swiftly and carefully into the city now in order to make sure you get there in time to sell the remains of your rice bag?

---

Sometimes, it's hard to view the big picture. You worked so HARD for every grain of rice, and it pains you to see that you so clumsily dropped some of it. You look back and you do not want to keep going into the city because you know that every grain of rice counts, so you want to maximize your trade. There's a part of you that seeks perfection in every step of life, and you won't settle for anything less.

Take a step back. Look at your fallen rice, and look at your 4/5 full bag. If you pick up the fallen grains, it will take you more time that you'd like, and rice will be filled with impurities that you pick up off the ground. If you don't keep going, the market will close and you won't even get your chickens. Sure, you won't get as many chickens, but at least you know there's a stronger chance you will at least be able to trade for at least two.

If you stop and be picky about the things that don't have that much emphasis, you will lose the opportunity at hand. Stop and take a look at the big picture. See what is more important, the extra pounds of rice or receiving the chickens? Do what you need to get there, even if it means momentary sacrifices. If your goal is getting those chickens and getting them to produce many eggs for you, do what you can NOW to make sure you get them. Don't let minute unhappiness from others or from your stubborn self get in the way of your mating chickens.

An hour before my midterm

So two things that I need off my chest. Actually three.

1. When people you wave at someone, you expect a wave (or at least a smile) back, right? Then what the hell is up with that half-ass wave, where the hand is still hanging down still below their waist and he/she just lifts their wrist slightly high enough to barely make out a waving motion. It's basically a gesture suggesting that they are too good to give you an authentic wave, to be too embarrassed to give a full-on wave. Now I'm not talking going crazy with the wave of excitement, but something more than a lift of a wrist and kinda pretending not to see you if you didn't see them first. Double you tee eff.

2. When someone asks you to be an audience, do you give helpful suggestions or only pour out positive endearings, even though what you think you have to say may be beneficial? I guess if it's a couple minutes before a big event of theirs, you should probably just shut your mouth and do the latter. But for the people that actually mean a lot to you and that you want to do well, wouldn't you want to give them the best advice and to see them do their best!? At least for me, I want helpful suggestions. Then you realize it always comes down to how you phrase your comments. There's no time for that much thinking of what diction to use all the time!!! Gah the complications of the games people's minds play!

and lastly,

3. I haven't blogged for a while. I miss the therapy it gives me. It's the best vent outlet, and it's to anyone who cares enough to read this mind diarreah of mine. Maybe then should change BS to DS.

and maybe I should probably start cramming for this midterm.